Forward to Glory
To
Darryl F. Zanuck
(1902–1979)
Studio mogul without rival,
who understood filmmaking better than any other
This is a work of fiction. It couldn’t be anything else.
‘Nothing like it has ever happened, nor will it.’
– so said Somebody…
‘Forward… to glory!’
– Julian ‘Gramps’ Northrup, as played by Lionel Barrymore in Paul Osborn’s ‘On Borrowed Time’ (MGM, 1939)
The Forward To Glory Quartet
Act II:
Exposition
Contents
Title Page
Dedication
Epigraph
‘Forward… to glory!’
Reminder Notes
Dear Reader: Quiet On The Set!
Critical Mass: And He Didn’t Even Know What Hit Him
Prelude: Intermission
1. Big Man On Campus
2. Pæan In Vitriox Boulevard
3. Acts Of Desperation, Acts Of Conscience
4. The Festival Of Suffering
5. Pornokrates
6. Lollipops And Dimbulbs
7. The Very Angry, The Very Black, The Very High Priest
8. Funerary Arts And Sciences
9. The Acolyte
10. Butterbugs Will Be Your Server Today
11. I Tell You, I Have An Audition!
12. Music HellHoleUjah!
13. Not So Shy-lock
14. Curtain Call At Kunky Creek
15. Shylock Is Really Not A Very Nice Fellow After All
16. Parker The Ninth
17. The Great And Moving Aftermath
18. Destination: Lurzlee Cañon!
19. I Love You. And Yet, I Hate You
20. Chamber Music In The Afternoon
21. Enactment And Exposition
22. Alun Parsnip Presents: BUTTERBUGS, Starring In A Special Presentation
23. Greetings to Sid
24. Hated, Just, Just HATED
25. An Epoch Has Begun!
26. We Are The Masters Of Time
27. I Have Been Admitted
28. Old Atrocity
29. A Beautiful War Is An Ugly Thing To Waste
30. The Codification Of The House
31. A Producer Named Parker
32. There Was Once Again A Producer Named Parker
33. I Vomited Violently
34. But Let Me Tell You, Or, Yet Once Again, There Was A Producer Named Parker
35. At Last
36. On Location
37. For Purposes of Classification
38. The Seminal Moment
39. I Wanna Marry A Chimp Cage Cleaner
40. Long Range Planning… NOW! WOW!!
41. Perry Flask And His StageMom
42. Flickering Light
43. The Dawn Of Humanity
44. The Power Of The New
45. An Interview
46. Thanks To You, Sid
47. Two Girls Talk
48. The Prestige Of The Office
49. Acts Of Courage, Acts Of Cohesiveness
50. Digital, Absolutely Digital; But Wait –
51. Controversy! Accurséd Controversy!
52. High Quality Hilarious
53. Nuts, Bolts, And Assorted Fasteners
54. Now Then, Dmitri
55. Parlor. I Think It Was Parlor
56. The Antebellum Plea
57. I, Isaac Davis
58. I Was There When Isaac Davis…
59. An Awesome Verdict
60. How Do You Fill A Vacuum When A Vacuum Stops Being A Vacuum?
61. Loungin’ On The Throne
62. My Way
63. The Assembly Line
64. Le Bugs De La Buttier
65. Salted Perris Poarck
66. And Then There’s ProwlerCat
67. Cool Pool
68. Big Plans, Big Parts, Big Hopes
69. Penciled, Skedded, Inked
70. Lots Of Properties, Lots Of Options, Lots Of Pictures…
71. Flesh Impact
72. On The Prowl
73. Busier Than A Cranberry Merchant at Thanksgiving, Or Busier Than A Pup In A Room Full Of Rubber Balls? Which Is It To Be?
74. The Promise Of Joy
75. The Aghori
76. Interval In DeeCee
Preface
I.
II.
III.
IV.
V.
Epigraph
Coming Attractions
III. Apotheosis
A Bit Of Bio: Brian Paul Bach
By the Same Author
Copyright
Reminder Notes
When referencing films throughout the Forward To Glory quartet, I have included the name of the studio or distributor responsible for a given picture. The year of release is added when citing films of the past. As an avid reader of the showbiz periodical ‘Variety’ in the 1970s, such assignations, especially within Hollywood’s greatest era, were always sure to indicate certain styles and personnel, as well as preferences in production and presentation. To we students of the Seventh Art, important stuff indeed.
A complete list of studios, a glossary, a comprehensive filmography of 1001 films, and a farewell essay: Notes on Sources, are all located at the end of the quartet’s concluding volume, Beyond Fin.
Although the quartet is a novel in the epic-noir-satire style, matters of a ‘footnote’ nature occasionally appear. In order that their somewhat recondite contents will not overly distract the Reader, I have placed them within [brackets], and in smaller type.
Showbiz is a name-oriented enterprise, and so is Forward To Glory. Therefore, studious readers may want to consider having easy access to handy resources like Wikipedia and the Internet Movie Database close at hand. Just in case any probings into the universe of Entertainment’s players and supporters are desired. The expanse of casts and crews may be vast, but the findings are most rewarding – not to mention fascinating. Those names in the quartet’s four volumes which do not appear in these or any other sources – and they are legion – are either not deemed worthy, or else they are Author-invented.
However, the entire quartet may be absorbed without reference works of any kind, as its prime directive is one of entertainment rather than study. At least that is the dearest wish of its Author.
Disclaimer: Any references to actual persons within the pages of the Forward To Glory quartet, whether living or dead, are made for fictional purposes only. They are exclusively the inventions of the Author, and the Author alone. Whatever real names are cited, any resemblance to the actual personage is purely coincidental (and generally complimentary).
No animals were harmed in the making of this production. Indeed, they were only loved.
And now…
Dear Reader: Quiet On The Set!
As part of our ongoing program of publicity for the present work, for your orientation, the ‘teaser’ or ‘blurb’ – the notice – that conventionally appeared in the flyleaf or on the back cover of tactile books (in traditions long past) is here placed, complete and unabridged, for any of your ‘warm-up’ needs, should you require them, just below:
Act I: Tempering – Effort and Obscurity
Act II: Exposition – Attainment and Achievement
Act III: Apotheosis – Triumph and Transcendence
Act IV: Beyond Fin – Legacy and Summation
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II. Exposition
Butterbugs is becoming somebody, or at least something. Something’s coming, something great… Yet, as often as not, he doesn’t even know what hits him. True, he has come to Hollywood to act, and he has survived enough experiences on the
fringe to drain any life force away, but the dream persists… perhaps.
As an aspiring performer, so far, Butterbugs is a survivor. He has had to endure nearly crushing challenges, and they aren’t over by a long shot. Some say that persistence is often rewarded, but in the case of this particular person, maybe it’s simple luck. Very simple indeed, for any progress comes from unexpected quarters. It actually does come, but never in predictable or reliable forms. Still, Butterbugs as actor, as talent, as star – is about to be exposed.
In its guise as an epic noir satire (terms that can be mixed and matched), EXPOSITION continues the panoply commenced in TEMPERING, as a proudly episodic, unabashedly sensational saga, geared to a hit series-oriented readership, mature enough to face such a sustained and daring narrative with not only fortitude, but relish.
Even at his lowest, Butterbugs is gifted with the assistance of strangers: Vonda – the superstar, who literally picks him off the street; The Angry Black Priest – the super-artist, who, out of tragedy, teaches him wisdom; Sonny Projector – the super-agent, who sees something galvanizing in this strange unknown; Old Atrocity – the super-technician, whose cinematic expertise fits perfectly with the actor’s unique development; Cody, Saskia and Justy – women to love, who love him back; Pepper and Prairie – whose very existence may be nothing more than shadows on a screen but whose power is projected upon him; and Heatherette – still a force for good, whose reappearance saves his life.
Something seems as it could, so he keeps going forward, FORWARD TO…
The FORWARD TO GLORY Quartet
I. Tempering – the Actor’s struggles
You are HERE: II. Exposition – the Actor’s rise
III. Apotheosis – the Actor’s climax
IV. Beyond Fin – the Actor’s legend
Critical Mass:
And He Didn’t Even Know What Hit Him
‘Do I take drugs? Drugs are for audiences, not for artists.’ – Stanley Kubrick
‘I do not take drugs. I AM the drug.’ – Salvador Dali
If Butterbugs had known what was to befall him shortly, there is every probability that he would have declined progressing further with a Hollywood career, in exchange for the following episode to be avoided, even partially.
Headline – this particular one (of many throughout the media) appeared in The Hammer Report. Incidentally, it was the first global news story devoted to Butterbugs:
A STORY TO DEEPLY SHOCK THE NATION:
PROMISING STAR COLLAPSES UNDER DRUG WEIGHT
‘If Only I Hadn’t Ever, Ever Tried OxyCynara!’ Actor Mourns – Alive, But Barely.
Was It Just Another Hollywood Suicide Attempt? Who Cares, Anyway?
HOLLYWOOD–Special to The Hammer Report
Drug usage amongst the Sinema City’s huge strata of sub- and sub-sub denizens of all persuasions is about as common as the inmates of a hog farm wallowing up to slop. It’s a question of who doesn’t do it, as opposed to the contrary. Who are we of the Complete and Utterly Objective Media not to call a spade a spade?
There are many, many examples, encased in permanent obscurity, of wannabe showbizniks, who find, when the going gets tough, that they perhaps haven’t the belly for the piece of gristle they have bitten off. That they perhaps are going wobbly in the face of failure, that suddenly stares at them with so intense a glare. What, it might be asked, would you do? Carry on? Or would you be tempted by other, more amenable ways of accepting your fate, be they ever so initially off-putting? Conversely, they might be unwelcoming, even disgusting, but what if there’s a good chance they might improve your confidence, bolster your courage, and boost your performance at that cattle call audition? Without a be-prepared kit of tools, you just might end up not even on the cutting room floor, but under a waterfall of flowing, broken dreams. So what about taking a gamble? And beyond that, a few of these tools just might thrust you to victory, and certain stardom. Interested? What if those amenable yet off-putting ways involved – get ready – the taking of DRUGS?
A Faustian bargain in disguise? A simple pill for celebrity-dom, as easy to take as breath mints?
Not on your sweet life!
Ever heard of an actor named Butterbugs? Young, upstanding, superficially handsome and smart (but maybe not so smart), Butterbugs came to Hollywood to make it in the picture shows: your basic American dream. How could it possibly have become such a nightmare? Easy. How come an actor, just starting out, backed by heavyweight Hollywood power brokers, with a striking leading role under his belt (has anyone out there seen ‘I, Doughboy’ yet? Well, you should…), how come such an actor, with so much going on, with so much in his favor, took drugs, and thus, fell?
It happened like this…
The Bucolics were off, all right. Sonny had put the kaboom-kabosch on the whole damn package of pictures, and, strangely, Butterbugs was left high and dry. A string of surefire hits, countrified in the great tradition of Americana, instantly aborted, even before a partial birth. Never were hick pix so nixed – and not by the sticks, either.
Sonny. Sonny Projector! Super-agent, or super-asshole?
Was it because of Sonny’s rage at the swaggering, prospective producer, and what he’d attempted, that he, the great agent’s client, had to pay so dearly? Why the outrageous cancellation over such bullshit? What was being offered instead? Why was he, Butterbugs, suddenly standing like a rag picker from within the Pale, at the blue-and-white striped toll-station, without even a kopek, before the treasure-city of Minsk?
‘Far be it from us in daring to presume an alternative strategy to Mr. Projector’s desires,’ was all a phone call to Sonny’s office produced, after numerous attempts to reach his private mobile number failed.
‘Far be it from us…’, Butterbugs mused, ‘to reason why, when there are deals to be made. And unmade.’
He set down the receiver, fresh out of ideas.
Except one: MUtual 6-9100.
‘Cody? Is that you?’
‘Who’s this?’
‘Butterbugs, lover.’
‘At such a time?’
‘Oh. My clock says 4:10.’
‘4:10!’
‘AM or PM?’
‘Butterbugs! What’s with you –?’
‘Oh, Cody, star-love, I… I got…’
‘What’s wrong?’
‘Well, can I come over?’
‘Over? It’s after 4:10…’
‘You said I could come over any time. Via Crazy Lane…?’
‘Butterbugs, it’s a school night. Er, morning…!’
‘So you’re…’
‘I’ve got to get up in an hour. My precious sleep… What remains of it…’
‘So, you’re mad at me?’
‘Mad? What’s that all about? I’ve got to get up soon.’
‘You’ve got an hour.’
‘Butterbugs, just tell me. Are you OK? Did something happen?’
‘Something happened. I’m, I don’t know, I just want you. You.’
‘Just… tell… me… what… happened.’
‘I thought I could come over.’
‘Butterbugs, would you just tell me? Use the miracle of the telephone. I’ve got to meet with Kritchurd Puerile’s fucking PR dude in three hours at the Bev Hills Hotel. It’s going to be a jungle of a day. Now will you just get on with it?’
‘I thought that I could just, I don’t know, be with you.’
‘You used to be.’
‘I’ve been so busy, Cody. Cody!…?’
‘And you think I haven’t? What makes you think –’
‘The Bucolics! Cancelled!’
‘Oh, Butterbugs…!’
‘Yeah, cancelled!’
‘I’m so sorry…’
‘Oh, Cody, I don’t know. What to do.’
‘You poor Butterbugs. I’m sorry, so sorry.’
‘Sonny quashed it.’
‘Sonny? Why??’
‘He caught Porter trying to sign me for three pictures, but –’
‘Ah! The old two-for-three. Or is it the other way round? It’s past 4:10! I’m not yet –’
‘You know…!’
‘You aren’t the first one, hunk. I’m sorry, and sorry again.’
‘So, Cody, can I, can I, come over?’
‘Butterbugs, I’m sorry. For all kinds of things. All sorts of reasons. But, but, I have two sons, and two of them, well, I have to address their issues, you know.’
‘What…?’
‘Kid stuff. Stuff with kids. Well, not exactly.’
‘You love them.’
‘Yes. Yes, I guess I do. What are you talking about? Of course! Well, I guess I’m really awake now.’
‘So, can I?’
‘I just told you, what I have to face with the boys.’
‘What?’
‘Well, Urie got pressured into OxyCynara at school, and he didn’t want to do it, but he was the one who got caught. And Elvin, well, they’re accusing him of being gay. They, his peers. Because, well, he, is, I know it. He’s gay, and I’ve got to figure out a way… His father and I –’
‘What, I ask you, has that got to do with me?’
‘Where have YOU been? Apparently in your own world, that’s for sure.’
‘Cody, I. Cody, I…’
‘You just don’t know. You just care about your feature picture career. You say you loved me. And I loved you. But what does that mean now?’
‘It means, I love you!’
‘Yeah, well, that’s fine to say, but… Butterbugs, I’ve got to…’
‘What’s OxySinai, anyway?’
‘OxyCynara. A very powerful opiate. You see what I’m up against? Kids taking that shit!’
‘I’m up against some stuff, too. Some shit. And not exactly my own.’
Sensing that Butterbugs might be facing a personal emergency, Cody considered acceding to his request. On the other hand, it was wholly impossible. She had spoken truth to her lover, and even then, not in toto. There were plenty of ancillary matters and subplots attached to the general scenarios already outlined. Besides, she couldn’t be Earth Mother to every needy soul out there, regardless of his puppy passions. The gap of generations was felt acutely this early morning in bed, solo.